Land of Frustration and Giblets
by Lorcain
Summary: Marquise Spinneret Mindfang finds herself stuck in a frozen wasteland with nothing but the clothes on her back and Her Imperious Condescension!
1. Chapter 1

The first thing Marquise Spinneret Mindfang realized when she awoke was that she was not in her recupercoon, she could not feel the gentle rocking of her ship. Secondly, it was bloody freezing. She opened her eyes and immediately regretted it. It was day, and while it did hurt her eyes, it did not burn her. She patted herself down, noting she was wearing her regular garb, strange, her last memory was of falling asleep, and neither was she covered in sopor.

She wore her tailored greatcoat, or what was most comparable to one. The top half covering her torso looked like regal leather armour, with pauldrons and loose, poofy cloth around her arms, ending at her elbow. The front part of the bottom half was something of a skirt divided in two, showing a tease of her grey skin between the top of her thighboots and her undershorts. Her boots were heeled, and had an elegant spider design, the spiders on her kneepad seemed to start the branching cobalt lines. The back portion of her bottom half was the long tail of a dress, when standing at full height it would only just drag on the ground. She wore long black handless gloves, fastened to her middle fingers, that left her palms, fingers, and some of the back of her hands bare. Her entire outfit was black with cobalt borders and details. Last but not least, perched on her head was her tricorner hat with an outrageous blue feather in it.

She sat up and opened her eyes, shielding them with her cupped hands. She had awoken in a frozen wasteland, wild mountains in front of her and an ice lake behind her. She wiped snow out of her extremely long hair and sighed. She did not to pinch herself to check if it was a dream, the piercing cold was assuredly real.

Her second business was to check for her sword and dice, and found neither of them. She stood, looking all around her. She climbed a small hill in front of her, but slipped. Under the snow was sand. She cursed to herself. Why didn't this place make any sense!? Why did the sun not burn her, even though it was not as bright as it should be? Why was there sand under the snow? It was as if it was a normal grassland before it was suddenly boreal.

She managed to get to the top of the hill, where a chest lay, undisturbed, with a light blanket of snow on the top. She did the natural thing and looted it. It contained some bread, a wooden sword, and some logs. A wooden sword. A WOODEN SWORD. This was ridiculous! Humiliating! Who leaves a wriggler's toy in a box of things that was supposedly meant to sustain her?

As she contemplated bashing the useless thing on a tree before hearing a disgruntled sigh behind her. She turned around, seeing noone, but she took a few steps forward, and at the foot of the hill was none other than Her Imperious Condescension!

She stood and asked: "The fuck are you?"

Mindfang blinked.

"I am Marquise Spinneret Mindfang, your tyranny."

"Ain't never heard of you." That was assuring, in the least. If she found out it was her who's favourite pastime was raiding the navy for slaves, she may well end up on the end of her trident. That she didn't have. "So where the glub are we?"

Mindfang chuckled at the Condesce's rough speech; she had always imagined her to be right fit and proper.

"I do not know. I think I am just as trapped and lost as you are, however."

"Ugh. I don't need this today." she huffed.

"Nor I." added Mindfang. "I found this box with meager supplies, I think the idea was to have something to sustain us with while we begin...uh, foraging, perhaps." The condesce huffed again. "I think we should start with shelter."

"Damn right, I'm freezin' my ass off here." she complained.

"Let's go, then." The headed to the foot of the nearest mountain, to which a waterfall was running down. Mindfang pointed to an alcove beside it: "We should probably check up there, it looks pretty secure." The condesce wordlessly followed her as she began scaling the steep mountain. While Mindfang found it easy with her agile nature, she had to provide a hand for the condesce to hold on to as she was pulled up.

"Watch the glubbin' dress! You know how much that is?" snapped the condesce. Mindfang gave no reply as she let her up onto the ledge. Unfortunately, the alcove was just that: barely big enough for one troll to stand in, let alone to members of nobility to live in. Mindfang was struck with a strange idea: why not enlarge it? She took the logs out and began making them into planks, and the planks into what resembled a workbench.

"Water you doin'?" asked Her Highness.

"Making a pick." replied Mindfang. The seadweller groaned.

"I ain't livin' in no cave."

"This is only temporary, you'll have your palace." and with that, she began breaking through the rock to make a squareish cave. She brought the bench in and dumped the building material next to it.

"Imma go get food." said the condesce suddenly, then took the WOODEN sword and left. Mindfang started expanding the cave to have a bit more breathing room, and left herself. Outside, she looked right, over to the ice lake. It was cold, but beautiful in its own way. The chilling cold made by the waterfall soon became unbearable and she set off down to the base. When she reached the bottom, she turned left, spying some coal embedded in the rock. She collected it all with her piece-of-shit-wooden-pick and a load of stone, too. When she poked her head out of wound she had made in the rock, it was night.

Finally! Blessed darkness. Something else thought so too and surprise attacked her from her flank too. It looked like a daywalker, rotting flesh and all, but green and hornless. She pushed it away from her with both hands and high-kicked it's face, sending it sailing through the air. It collapsed, lifeless.

"Condesce!?" she cried. A faint "What?" echoed from further into the wild hills. The condesce came strolling over to her. Mindfang ran to her, took her by the arm and led her back to their cave as fast as they could.

"Hey! What the fuck do you think yer doin'!?" she screamed.

"There's daywalkers out and we're unarmed! We have to get back to our shelter." The condesce wrenched free of her grip.

"Aw shell no, it just got dark! Don't you try an' tell me ther-" An arrow embedded itself in the snow between them. Mindfang looked up and saw a skeleton drawing another arrow. The condesce ran. Mindfang took off as well, but running in zig-zags. The condesce did not know of this tactic and yelped as the next arrow struck her in the back, a spurt of her royal fuchsia blood staining the snow. She didn't stop running though, and started climbing. Mindfang scooped up a fistful of snow and lobbed it at the creature, knocking it back and ruining it's aim. She scaled the mountain quickly, helping the condesce up again, and they soon made it to their cave. Mindfang looked back to see the stupid beast trying to scale the waterfall and being swept away to the bottom.

The condesce dumped her kills and some more wood into the pile, and Mindfang deposited the coal and stone she'd found. Mindfang got the idea to build a furnace, while the condesce built a door, enlargen the cave and light it up with some torches. Mindfang dumped the remainder of the coal into the furnace and began skinning and cooking the condesce's moobeasts.

They ate, the boring beef not suiting their high tastes at all.

"I'm tired." remarked the condesce, rubbing her face. Mindfang put some of the leather down, but after making it comfortable, there was not enough leather to make another pile. The condesce jumped on it, effectively claiming it.

Mindfang looked at her and said: "We will have to share." The condesce frowned, but moved over. A little.

Mindfang took off her greatcoat, wrapped it around her arm, and pulled out the arrow sticking in the condesce's back. She hissed, but Mindfang placated her by draping the greatcoat over them both.

The Condesce, as the highest blood caste, had blood that was nearly as cold as the air outside, Mindfang's own cobalt blood was colder than most, but not as much as hers, and when the condesce fell asleep, she unconsciously embraced her as a source of heat. She was very, very cold, but Mindfang's own heat and the large coat they shared soon warmed them both enough that they were not shivering any more, and Mindfang soon fell into a blissful sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey Serket, come play this with me!" asked Meenah. She was sitting at her newly alchemised computer, playing a game the red human had given her. What was his name again? Strider or something?

"Game?" asked Aranea as she came over.

"Yeah, this computer game. You gotta survive in the wilderness an' stuff. And everyfin's made of blocks!" she explained, excited again.

"Alright then, I suppose I need a break from all the drama." she says. "I'll be back in a moment, I'll just fetch my grubtop."

She returns to find Meenah still at the main menu, bouncing up and down in her chair gleefully as she waits for it to install on Aranea's laptop.

"Alright, what now?" asks Aranea.

"Right, go to Multiplayer an' hang on for a bit." orders Meenah, and she generates a new world and opens it to LAN.

"Oh, something has appeared." announces Aranea.

"ClickonitClickonitClickonit!" Aranea gives Meenah a look and complies.

Meenah begins looting the bonus chest as she waits for Aranea to appear.

"Serket, you in yet?"

"Hmm, yes, now I am."

Aranea sees Meenah speed down the hill and literally run through her, while Meenah laughs with joy.

"It's actually a nice world." says Aranea, admiring the snowy, mountainous landscape.

"Shell yeah it is, I used "413" as a seed" explains Meenah proudly. "Anywaves we should probubbly make our house up there somewhere." she says, looking in the direction of the waterfall. "It's kinda shelltered soz nothing'll get us."

"Right. Well, while you're doing that, I'll be off hunting for food since I've just noticed this hunger bar."

Meenah types " 38I " in the chat window, and starts chopping down trees. Afterwards she makes a workbench and keeps it in her inventory, and starts scaling the mountain. She plops it down on the ledge and quickly crafts a wooden pick. She takes the workbench again and starts digging, a quick 2x1 hole for the door and a small room.

"Uh, Meenah? It's getting dark. Where are you?" asks Aranea.

"Oh glub Serket, you're lost already? Go back to the waterfall near the the beginnin', it's just up there."

"Okay."

A while later Aranea says: "I think I see you but it's really dark now."

"Come on in you moron!"

"I don't think I'll be able to. I'm just going to dig a hole here."

"An' cry in it 'til the monsters go away."

Aranea laughs. "Exactly."

Meenah puts a door in while Aranea covers up the hole.

The night was uneventful, but halfway through it, Meenah suddenly screamed.

"What?"

"Fuckin' spider scared the carp outta me." Aranea giggles. 


End file.
